We're at the glamourous TORONTO! condo where Trista has left behind a note for the boys. I really wanted Trevor to yell out "TRISTA MAIL!" when he found it. But alas, all he did was talk about how after being in the bottom last week he won't make a dessert ever again (until he absolutely has to). That, of course, means Trevor will be making a dessert today.
Crazy David is taking his 5Gs from last week and proposing to his girlfriend AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. Come on, David, don't spend 5Gs on a ring. Save a little for the alimony. Think ahead, why don't you?
Golden boy Carl tries to prove that he isn't a soul-free robot by being emotional about being on the bottom last week. I think I heard his bolts tightening.
The guest judge for the quick fire is Keisha Chante and we get treated to Trevor saying "Keisha Chante is a young pop singer?" into the camera. Oh, Canadian celebrities. If only the Mike Bullard show was still on the air someone might actually know who you are. Wait....what?
Headband is really adept at pretending that he knows who these rag tag bunch of guest judges are week after week.
Keisha Chante (young pop singer?) says her guilty pleasure on the road is Mac and Cheese and the only French man in Calgary says "Mac and Cheese" out loud as if he's never heard of the stuff.
QUICKFIRE!
The chefs must make two takes on KD, a classic one and a refined one. For dessert, Vachon Cakes! (not really) then, while standing in the shadow of a 50 FOOT KRAFT DINNER BOX not-Padma tells them that one of them will win $10,000 for this challenge. Yowza! There will be no more immunity.
The only French man in Calgary just spent 20 minutes reading the instructions on the side of the box of KD.
Keisha Chante wanted her KD enhanced and not overpowered. So now you know. Oh no. Crazy David just won 10Gs for making a Grilled Cheese with KD and a Bacon Wrapped Scallop KD. Someone, please, just send a money order to his girlfriend.
The more money Crazy David wins, the tinier he looks. He is shrinking before our eyes.
ELIMINATION CHALLENGE
The chefs must pull together a six course eye-talian meal for guest judge, PBS Saturday morning staple and MAMA, Lidia Bastianich. Trevor pulls Dolce, and is super bummed about it.
Don't worry, Headband. You'll never be known as the "soup guy". You are the "headband guy".
Did the only French man in Calgary just say "Fuck the Italian"? I believe so.
Now that we're down to the top 5 we're seeing snapshots of girlfriends and hearing about how creative edges have been lost and lives are unravelling. Such drama!
The table is FULL of guest judges tonight, not just Lidia, but also the omnipresent and charming actor Carlo Rota, Executive Chef from George, Lorenzo Loseto, someone named Franco Staltieri and Rick the Temp. That's right. Rick the Temp. Who invited Rick the Temp?
The antipasto is a big hit, but there's five courses to go, so don't get too excited, Rick. The Temp.
ZUPPA: Headband made a deconstructed Stracciatella with a poached egg sitting in parm, charred tomato and chicken broth. Maybe you ARE the soup guy, Headband. The judges say things like brave, elegant, nurturing. I want to eat in your restaurant some day, Headband.
"My veal is sexy. Sexy, sexy veal." - The only French man in Calgary
"I would like to make love to my veal" - The only French man in Calgary
"Beeeeep" - Food Network Canada
PRIMI: He's done a Parppadelle with his sexy veal, aged pecorino and sauteed radicchio. It's too salty. Nobody can get past how salty it is. Salt, salt, salt. Salty salt.
Cut to David with his rack of whole fish singing a chorus of Eminem's One Shot. If this fish doesn't cook properly in 15 minutes...well...whatever...David's a RISK TAKER. You may have heard him mention that 12 or 13 times. An episode.
PESCE: The whole roasted fish is a big hit. Crazy David does it again.
SECONDI: Carl's thrown down with Leg of Lamb, Sausage and some salad and fungi. Mark McEwan has a textural problem. Ruh roh, Carl.
DOLCE: Trevor serves a Campari / Granita thingy and a Tiramisu. He's nervous. With good reason. The folks are underwhelmed.
In the storage locker of self pity, not-Padma, her boobs and her hair extensions calls Crazy David and Headband into the blue room of SPONGETOWEL death. Carl pouts. Lidia is completely charmed by the relief they exhibit when they're told they're top two. HEADBAND WINS! HEADBAND WINS! He wins a trip for two to NY. For not winning, David wins $3,000. Huh?
The three losers head off to bask in the blue glow and find out who the real loser is. Shereena makes the sad trombone noise while talking about Trevor's dessert, tells Carl his sausage tasted like a hot dog and of course, the only French man in Calgary effed up pasta which is kind of unforgivable.
Au revoir, the only French man in Calgary! We'll miss you! Who will smoke on the veranda now?
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